September 7, 2016 by luzzara
Over and over I reflect on the consumption that is happening in my day, time, food, energy and again and again I feel drained. The worst one as of late has been the phone.
In an attempt at a living a life that is healthy, smart, driven… I’ve come to realize that I have a lot of recovery to do and as someone who at first glance there isn’t anything to recover from. Over the last year I have learned that, we all hold pain, fear, resentment and we all do things to mask those things, the problem I have been having is most of this for me must be so deep down that it is hard to find. I’m not an addict, but I know many (you all probably know more then your realize) and knowing addicts who are in recovery is powerful, they have to look at themselves so deeply, so thoughtfully and the way they view the world can be so profound. How many “average joe’s” do this and this being the deep discovery of ourselves, our magic and our darkness?
In an attempt (and I use that word loosely because its much more then an attempt) to grow and better myself (I almost wrote “find myself… barf), I have discovered numbing. Oh, how I numb, I watch tv, eat, drink wine, scroll endlessly on facebook… oh do I numb. Now, I ask myself am I numbing or is this the world that we live in today, a world that binge watches Netflix and that has thousands of “friends” to only talk to 3 in real life, with a liquor store on every corner and a reason to “reward” ourselves daily. Am I numbing or am I living in a modern day world?
Through my reading and research, I’ve fallen in love with Brene Brown and the way she talks about numbing has really resinated with me, “When we numb, we numb the pain and the joy.” numbing isn’t selective… and numbing is consuming and like addiction numbing pushes us away from community and now how do we live in today and stop the endless scroll?
Today, I will make a list of things I NEED to do, no scrolling or tv till those things are done. I value myself enough to scroll less.
Am I there yet?