July 28, 2013 by luzzara
33 days till 30
Over the last 332 days I’ve taken the opportunity to reflect on who I am, what I stand for, what my strengths are and admitting weaknesses. The last few months I haven’t been posting as much as I had in the beginning, I have still been writing and reflecting, but had found that my thoughts weren’t coming out as full, they were fragments of ideas, thoughts, problems all lacking focus or point.
Today, is Sunday, my favourite day of the week, I have a weekly ritual of coffee in bed, while catching up on news, blogs, articles, and other note worthy information of the week. I always end this info gorging session with PostSecret, for the reason that it gives me a beautiful reality check. Everyday we are faced with decisions, we confront our values and we test our beliefs, some days the decisions fall far below our expectations and some days they are epic wins, land far above. Sometimes we test our limits and our value and our boundaries, these are the days we learn, grow and evolve. PostSecret contributors use the site as a confessional of sorts; they aren’t ready or able to share with others at the risk of be vulnerable.
I am often used as a confessional, I have an ability to sit back objectively, listen without judgment, share a shoulder to cry on and let the other person release what is burdening or stressing them at the time. That’s not to say that I don’t express my opinion or that I hold back what my values are, but am able to do it in a way that holds some sort of respect for both parties. Being the confessional has become harder and harder this year, being almost thirty means the lives of those around me are changing and evolving, babies, divorce, sicknesses, death, love, sadness, people change. The stressed being shared are heavy, life changing and heart breaking and I’m not a professional, I’m not a councilor or therapist, I have never been trained to adequately handle what is being said to me.
As much as I want to be supportive, I’m starting to not know how, we live in a world that is so far from black and white, a world that is so emotionally driven that it makes it hard to be in this type of position. I’m coming to realize that my willingness to change and grow, makes me less patient for those who sit in a cycle where they make the same mistakes, they tell the same stories and they don’t practice what they preach and they continually put their own egocentric needs above others.
I value the trust people have in me, their readiness to share, willingness to be vulnerable and true to who they are in my presence is special thing. I hope that those people understand the burden it puts on person when all that is shared is the bad and not often the good. If you only share your pain, sore and sadness but never the joy, wins, and happiness and never ask them about theirs, you are taking without giving. You pour on pain with out pouring on good one day the capacity to listen and handle the negative will be full and the person you valued and needed will no longer be available.
PostSecret shows all type of secrets, the ones that break you heart, the ones that show unbelievable bravery and the ones that remind me we are all the same. The diversity in the conversation is what brings me back every Sunday morning; it is what gives it a place in my day that I value so much. Be bold, share the strengths and share the struggles